June 14, 2023 - 10:00am
Two of the most important trends in American life are the increasing tendency for women to identify as liberal, and the increasing intolerance shown by liberals to their ideological opponents. These trends are no doubt related, since women are more ideologically intolerant than men. Put together, they spell trouble for the future of marriage in the US.
In a recent article for the Atlantic, sociologists Lyman Stone and Brad Wilcox note that there’s now a surplus of liberal women and conservative men on the dating market. They analysed data from the General Social Survey and found that among single Americans aged 18–30 there are only 0.6 liberal men for each liberal woman, and only 0.5 conservative women for each conservative man.
So if singles match up with people of the same political views, 40% of liberal women and 50% of conservative men will be left without a partner. Liberal women comprise about one third of the relevant cohort, and conservative men make up another 15% — which means that one in five singles won’t be able to find a partner with the same political views. That’s a lot of people.
But can’t the surplus liberal women and the surplus conservative men just match up with one another? Don’t count on it. Americans increasingly prefer to date someone who shares their political views, and this is particularly true of Democrats.
A 2019 Pew Research survey revealed that 43% of Democrats and 24% of Republicans wouldn’t date someone from the opposing party. A 2020 YouGov poll found that 45% of Democrats and 38% of Republicans would be unwilling to date across party lines. And the 2020 American Perspectives Survey revealed that 79% of Democratic women and 48% of Republican men would be unwilling to date someone with a different view of Trump.
Several other surveys have found similar results. The numbers aren’t directly comparable as they asked slightly different questions, but averaging them still provides a reasonable gauge of people’s preferences. Encouragingly, the mean and median were similar for both groups: 63% and 66% for Democrats versus 36% and 35% for Republicans.
So almost two-thirds of Democrats aren’t willing to date a Republican, and more than one third of Republicans aren’t willing to date a Democrat. Since the more intolerant group’s preferences determine the level of matching, only about a third of surplus partisans could match with someone from the other side.
Of course, there are also moderates and independents to consider. The final level of matching would depend on how willing partisans were to date them. If most of the Democrats who won’t date a Republican would settle for an independent, there shouldn’t be too many left without a partner. And if intolerant people match up with co-partisans first, the total left without a partner would be lower still.
Nonetheless, the combination of political intolerance and the partisan gender gap will surely make it harder for young Americans to find a partner. Polarisation isn’t just bad for politics: it’s bad for family formation too.
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SubscribeNot sympathetic to liberal women who are doomed to singledom. This is the world they helped create, let them wallow in it
Many conservative/ traditional men are marrying outside their national borders. Which sort of puts the lie to accusations of racism among conservative men.
By contrast many Liberal woman are embracing single parenthood via donated sperm or surrogacy. Because nothing speaks of moral superiority like using other humans bodies as a commodity for your personal fulfilment.
I came to say this. Conservative men can simply find a woman from overseas. Not only will this likely be a good match for both parties – it has the additional bonus for conservative men of infuriating local progressive women. It has the additional additional bonus of illustrating an ugly little secret about the sexes – women are much more racist about mate selection. Men will basically partner up with any female they find attractive- women not so much.
Yes looking up the data on dating app preferences made it clear how (white) women tend to be far more racist than men in their selection choices. It’s almost like many of them say one thing and then do another.
Yes looking up the data on dating app preferences made it clear how (white) women tend to be far more racist than men in their selection choices. It’s almost like many of them say one thing and then do another.
I came to say this. Conservative men can simply find a woman from overseas. Not only will this likely be a good match for both parties – it has the additional bonus for conservative men of infuriating local progressive women. It has the additional additional bonus of illustrating an ugly little secret about the sexes – women are much more racist about mate selection. Men will basically partner up with any female they find attractive- women not so much.
Another complicating factor for women overall is that they test higher for neuroticism than men…and in this very heated political age, it’s like adding kindling to political fire.
Many conservative/ traditional men are marrying outside their national borders. Which sort of puts the lie to accusations of racism among conservative men.
By contrast many Liberal woman are embracing single parenthood via donated sperm or surrogacy. Because nothing speaks of moral superiority like using other humans bodies as a commodity for your personal fulfilment.
Another complicating factor for women overall is that they test higher for neuroticism than men…and in this very heated political age, it’s like adding kindling to political fire.
Not sympathetic to liberal women who are doomed to singledom. This is the world they helped create, let them wallow in it
Eight out of ten cats say that living with a liberal woman is a truly depressing experience, but someone has to do it.
It took me a while, but I finally got the joke. Superb.
Only eight out of ten?
Cats have never had it better! The ungrateful buggers won’t be satisfied until they’re being worshipped like in ancient Egypt.
Cats have never had it better! The ungrateful buggers won’t be satisfied until they’re being worshipped like in ancient Egypt.
Cats are good listeners : )
It took me a while, but I finally got the joke. Superb.
Only eight out of ten?
Cats are good listeners : )
Eight out of ten cats say that living with a liberal woman is a truly depressing experience, but someone has to do it.
“Wokeness” is killing the west. It has deliberately infused into all social relations a Manichean approach whereby dissent is heresy and heresy is crime.
As a result, discussion with even the most established associates is wary, diplomatic and increasingly detached from the real weight of personal feeling.
Chateaubriand, in his peerless memoirs, recalls revolutionary Paris in the same terms, as a place in which churlish resentment and perpetual suspicion turned the people into their own oppressors. The pyramid of terror is never just a structure; it exerts a catastrophically corrupting effect on the morals of a people for years to come. First, it turns them into liars; then into informers and finally into executioners.
As for the greater tendency towards intolerance among women, yes, one has seen that, too. Dickens wasn’t so far wrong when he made Madame Defarge deadlier than her spouse.
“Wokeness” is killing the west. It has deliberately infused into all social relations a Manichean approach whereby dissent is heresy and heresy is crime.
As a result, discussion with even the most established associates is wary, diplomatic and increasingly detached from the real weight of personal feeling.
Chateaubriand, in his peerless memoirs, recalls revolutionary Paris in the same terms, as a place in which churlish resentment and perpetual suspicion turned the people into their own oppressors. The pyramid of terror is never just a structure; it exerts a catastrophically corrupting effect on the morals of a people for years to come. First, it turns them into liars; then into informers and finally into executioners.
As for the greater tendency towards intolerance among women, yes, one has seen that, too. Dickens wasn’t so far wrong when he made Madame Defarge deadlier than her spouse.
You wouldn’t date someone with different ideological views?
Such considerations did not play any part in deciding whether or not I found a woman attractive. A person’s political views are, or should, reflect only a small part of their personality. The US has created the world’s first two-dimensional society.
Good observation, about two-dimensionality. I suspect it’s been that way for quite some time.
The other thing that struck me is: why on earth would anyone choose to marry someone whose level of intolerance ran so high? It’s a recipe for a short-lived disaster.
Many do…
Many do…
Yes and no. I am in a politically mixed marriage and it’s fine, and can be amusing at the dating level. Once you commit to marriage and children it really depends on what your ideological hills to die on are. You have different views about taxing and spending at the state and federal levels? Fine. You are fine with your child exploring religion but your spouse is not. Uh oh. You are vehemently against your child ‘changing’ their gender, but spouse thinks it is a human right? Major issue. You, as a religious and conservative man get your liberal and progressive girlfriend preganant, she goes on to have an abortion at 15 weeks. Hmmm.
You are a nation of lost souls. You are not married to a political ideology. You are married to a human being. They have faults and so do you.
You are a nation of lost souls. You are not married to a political ideology. You are married to a human being. They have faults and so do you.
(Very) liberal people view conservatives as evil. Would you marry someone if you secretly thought they were evil? Or if you suspected your partner thought you were evil?
And would you want to be married to someone who believes your convictions about life are evil? No matter whether personally you get along.
And would you want to be married to someone who believes your convictions about life are evil? No matter whether personally you get along.
If the political views represent core differences in values (as opposed to mere policy preferences), you should avoid those people like the plague. Why would you marry a wokester if you’re a traditionalist?
Yes but blokes are famously unfussy when it comes to well, most things. So your personal view actually agrees with the authors about ‘conservative’ men.
It kind of depends on what the disagreements are. Many of our “political” disagreements in the West are really theological ones, and as a result they impact huge swathes of life very deeply.
It’s one thing to disagree about tax rates, trade theory or whether UBI reduces poverty. It’s very different to disagree about what a woman is or whether a baby in-utero is a human being. They’re political issues, but they really wrap a theist/materialist disagreement. And many of those disagreements are zero-sum: my “evil” position is your “good” position and visa versa.
Can it be done? Sure. There are folks who have cross-religious marriages very successfully. But most people would be wary of tying their lives and future children to someone whose basic view of the world was radically different than their own.
Well, given that almost all women declare themselves to be feminists, we have no choice.
I have no problem liking people with opposite ideological views. I simply would not marry one.
Good observation, about two-dimensionality. I suspect it’s been that way for quite some time.
The other thing that struck me is: why on earth would anyone choose to marry someone whose level of intolerance ran so high? It’s a recipe for a short-lived disaster.
Yes and no. I am in a politically mixed marriage and it’s fine, and can be amusing at the dating level. Once you commit to marriage and children it really depends on what your ideological hills to die on are. You have different views about taxing and spending at the state and federal levels? Fine. You are fine with your child exploring religion but your spouse is not. Uh oh. You are vehemently against your child ‘changing’ their gender, but spouse thinks it is a human right? Major issue. You, as a religious and conservative man get your liberal and progressive girlfriend preganant, she goes on to have an abortion at 15 weeks. Hmmm.
(Very) liberal people view conservatives as evil. Would you marry someone if you secretly thought they were evil? Or if you suspected your partner thought you were evil?
If the political views represent core differences in values (as opposed to mere policy preferences), you should avoid those people like the plague. Why would you marry a wokester if you’re a traditionalist?
Yes but blokes are famously unfussy when it comes to well, most things. So your personal view actually agrees with the authors about ‘conservative’ men.
It kind of depends on what the disagreements are. Many of our “political” disagreements in the West are really theological ones, and as a result they impact huge swathes of life very deeply.
It’s one thing to disagree about tax rates, trade theory or whether UBI reduces poverty. It’s very different to disagree about what a woman is or whether a baby in-utero is a human being. They’re political issues, but they really wrap a theist/materialist disagreement. And many of those disagreements are zero-sum: my “evil” position is your “good” position and visa versa.
Can it be done? Sure. There are folks who have cross-religious marriages very successfully. But most people would be wary of tying their lives and future children to someone whose basic view of the world was radically different than their own.
Well, given that almost all women declare themselves to be feminists, we have no choice.
I have no problem liking people with opposite ideological views. I simply would not marry one.
You wouldn’t date someone with different ideological views?
Such considerations did not play any part in deciding whether or not I found a woman attractive. A person’s political views are, or should, reflect only a small part of their personality. The US has created the world’s first two-dimensional society.
From Northern Ireland. My husband is a catholic and I am a Protestant. So what!! I do agree that women have messed this up. They are the wokeist and the most vicious. The other problem is the presenting everyone with a label. Their label is who they are!!
From Northern Ireland. My husband is a catholic and I am a Protestant. So what!! I do agree that women have messed this up. They are the wokeist and the most vicious. The other problem is the presenting everyone with a label. Their label is who they are!!
There is nothing more unattractive than intolerance. Opposites should attract. Together, they make each other whole. Intolerance is a close cousin to selfishness and arrogance. All lead to a life of loneliness, as many of these young ladies will discover.
Opposites may attract, but they don’t work together in long term relationships. If one’s a saver and the other a sprendthrift, one wants a big family and the other wants zero-one child, one believes in more traditional sex roles, and the other wants to raise the kids as “gender fluid”, that’s just a train wreck waiting to happen.
Actually there’s pretty good research on this subject, and as I remember, there’s a critical range. Too much similarity tends to stunt growth and economic success in boredom; too little tends to stunt them in conflict.
The innate differences between men and women should provide plenty of variety 🙂
The innate differences between men and women should provide plenty of variety 🙂
Opposites may attract, but they don’t work together in long term relationships. If one’s a saver and the other a sprendthrift, one wants a big family and the other wants zero-one child, one believes in more traditional sex roles, and the other wants to raise the kids as “gender fluid”, that’s just a train wreck waiting to happen.
Actually there’s pretty good research on this subject, and as I remember, there’s a critical range. Too much similarity tends to stunt growth and economic success in boredom; too little tends to stunt them in conflict.
There is nothing more unattractive than intolerance. Opposites should attract. Together, they make each other whole. Intolerance is a close cousin to selfishness and arrogance. All lead to a life of loneliness, as many of these young ladies will discover.
Somebody needs to write this rom-com.
About a happy conservative man financially killing it as a plumber and his attractive mail order bride raising three lovely multicultural kids in a cul de sac with an angry divorcé, a spinster hipster and a lesbian activist couple as neighbours. I’d watch that. Episode 1 – the Happy’s invite their neighbours over on the 4th of July. It writes itself!
About a happy conservative man financially killing it as a plumber and his attractive mail order bride raising three lovely multicultural kids in a cul de sac with an angry divorcé, a spinster hipster and a lesbian activist couple as neighbours. I’d watch that. Episode 1 – the Happy’s invite their neighbours over on the 4th of July. It writes itself!
Somebody needs to write this rom-com.
I see thaty Jean Twenge in her latest “generations” reports on Gen Z (born 1995 – 2012) ignorance of or indifference to facts. “belief in gender discrimination is at an all time high” – for example, regarding the professions where law and medical degrees are 50/50; in access to university where the female to male ratio is 60/40. Tenge suggests explantions: online outrage, external locus of control and the rewards of victimhood culture. Will resentful and deluded females wish to mate?
I see thaty Jean Twenge in her latest “generations” reports on Gen Z (born 1995 – 2012) ignorance of or indifference to facts. “belief in gender discrimination is at an all time high” – for example, regarding the professions where law and medical degrees are 50/50; in access to university where the female to male ratio is 60/40. Tenge suggests explantions: online outrage, external locus of control and the rewards of victimhood culture. Will resentful and deluded females wish to mate?
I want American universities to keep churning out angry, progressive, lesbian, feminists who don’t shave or wear bras. Less competition for my 3 girls (14, 16, 17) who are conservative and not afraid to be treated like the young ladies they are. And you conservative men, you’re going to have to compete to get them to pay attention to you — as it should be.
Those who miss out on a conservative girl will likely end up surrendering to the progressive mania and becoming annoying, whiney “allies”. Men will do almost anything for sexual access to women: slaughter wild animals, go to war (ever heard of Helen?), become monogamous, alter their personalities, even regurgitate utterly ridiculous things like “men can absolutely get pregnant, honey” with a straight face… just to get under a pretty girl’s skirt. They’ll be married, but they’ll also be miserable and weak, and Camille Paglia has insights about societies in which men are weak.
In this vein, Aaron Renn has an interesting Substack post about online dating data: https://www.aaronrenn.com/p/newsletter-50-the-truth-about-online
I want American universities to keep churning out angry, progressive, lesbian, feminists who don’t shave or wear bras. Less competition for my 3 girls (14, 16, 17) who are conservative and not afraid to be treated like the young ladies they are. And you conservative men, you’re going to have to compete to get them to pay attention to you — as it should be.
Those who miss out on a conservative girl will likely end up surrendering to the progressive mania and becoming annoying, whiney “allies”. Men will do almost anything for sexual access to women: slaughter wild animals, go to war (ever heard of Helen?), become monogamous, alter their personalities, even regurgitate utterly ridiculous things like “men can absolutely get pregnant, honey” with a straight face… just to get under a pretty girl’s skirt. They’ll be married, but they’ll also be miserable and weak, and Camille Paglia has insights about societies in which men are weak.
In this vein, Aaron Renn has an interesting Substack post about online dating data: https://www.aaronrenn.com/p/newsletter-50-the-truth-about-online
All that a man needs in the US or Canada is a ” Briddish” accent… the rest just falls into place….
I’m an ex-pat British man married to beautiful American woman, and she would agree.
Yes, we do love those accents…
I’m an ex-pat British man married to beautiful American woman, and she would agree.
Yes, we do love those accents…
All that a man needs in the US or Canada is a ” Briddish” accent… the rest just falls into place….
“Wokeness” is killing the west. It has deliberately infused into all social relations a Manichean approach whereby dissent is heresy and heresy is crime.
As a result, discussion with even the most established associates is wary, diplomatic and increasingly detached from the real weight of personal feeling.
Chateaubriand, in his peerless memoirs, recalls revolutionary Paris in the same terms, as a place in which churlish resentment and perpetual suspicion turned the people into their own oppressors.
The pyramid of terror is never just a structure; it exerts a catastrophically corrupting effect on the morals of a people for years to come. First, it turns them into liars; then into informers and finally into executioners.
As for the author’s point with regard to “liberal” women, Dickens wasn’t so far wrong when he made Madame Defarge deadlier than her spouse.
Isn’t that the intent?
Isn’t that the intent?
“Wokeness” is killing the west. It has deliberately infused into all social relations a Manichean approach whereby dissent is heresy and heresy is crime.
As a result, discussion with even the most established associates is wary, diplomatic and increasingly detached from the real weight of personal feeling.
Chateaubriand, in his peerless memoirs, recalls revolutionary Paris in the same terms, as a place in which churlish resentment and perpetual suspicion turned the people into their own oppressors.
The pyramid of terror is never just a structure; it exerts a catastrophically corrupting effect on the morals of a people for years to come. First, it turns them into liars; then into informers and finally into executioners.
As for the author’s point with regard to “liberal” women, Dickens wasn’t so far wrong when he made Madame Defarge deadlier than her spouse.
The solution for the men is the passport-bro movement.
It’s becoming increasingly popular.
For women the future appears more bleak (assuming finding a partner is desirable). Predictions are that by the end of this decade half of all women under 45 will be single and childless.
However, all is not lost for women who want a baby. Sperm donor, single mother parenthood has been advocated by women’s groups.
Because what the world really needs is more children raised by single mothers
No, it’s the ultimate expression of selfishness. All the data indicates a worse outcome for the child, not every child, just the majority.
It’s amazing that a woman who hasn’t been able to form a single long term stable intimate relationship with another human being during their 35 or 40 years of life thinks they can raise an emotionally healthy, well adjusted child.
Many of them are in healthy, long-term relationships – with other women. I see absolutely no problem with that, in terms of raising children.
I suspect others do, but i’ve heard all the arguments for and against a.million times, thanks.
I learned a ton from my mother. I learned how to be a man from my dad.
I learned a ton from my mother. I learned how to be a man from my dad.
Many of them are in healthy, long-term relationships – with other women. I see absolutely no problem with that, in terms of raising children.
I suspect others do, but i’ve heard all the arguments for and against a.million times, thanks.
No, it’s the ultimate expression of selfishness. All the data indicates a worse outcome for the child, not every child, just the majority.
It’s amazing that a woman who hasn’t been able to form a single long term stable intimate relationship with another human being during their 35 or 40 years of life thinks they can raise an emotionally healthy, well adjusted child.
Because what the world really needs is more children raised by single mothers
The solution for the men is the passport-bro movement.
It’s becoming increasingly popular.
For women the future appears more bleak (assuming finding a partner is desirable). Predictions are that by the end of this decade half of all women under 45 will be single and childless.
However, all is not lost for women who want a baby. Sperm donor, single mother parenthood has been advocated by women’s groups.
It would be interesting to re-analyse the data (if possible) into city dwellers vs country dwellers, or possibly red states vs blue states.
The Republican/Democratic split of the survey may be a limiting lens to look through. Finding a partners is often a matter of picking someone you know out of the set of all people you know. So city dwellers are more likely to pick another city dweller and these tend to be Democrat cities (particularly on the coast).
Are we now to see another lunatic article in the Grauniad pleading for people to pick a partner from at least 1,000 miles away?
It would be interesting to re-analyse the data (if possible) into city dwellers vs country dwellers, or possibly red states vs blue states.
The Republican/Democratic split of the survey may be a limiting lens to look through. Finding a partners is often a matter of picking someone you know out of the set of all people you know. So city dwellers are more likely to pick another city dweller and these tend to be Democrat cities (particularly on the coast).
Are we now to see another lunatic article in the Grauniad pleading for people to pick a partner from at least 1,000 miles away?
Liberal men aren’t known for their propensity to commit to creating families. So if it’s really families we’re referring to here (rather than single women raising children), that number should be lower.
Liberal men aren’t known for their propensity to commit to creating families. So if it’s really families we’re referring to here (rather than single women raising children), that number should be lower.
Maybe mass immigration could solve this problem.
The conservative men could match up with immigrant women who aren’t particularly invested in American politics.
The surplus Liberal women could simply brainwash prospective immigrant men
Ah, might not work. Liberal women (and younger women generally) won’t marry men who earn less than they do, that would be like that oh my god so awful patriarchy they lived under. So Mr Inbound Immigrant better turn up with some cash as well as loving Hillary.
That’d be like loving dog breath.
That’d be like loving dog breath.
Ah, might not work. Liberal women (and younger women generally) won’t marry men who earn less than they do, that would be like that oh my god so awful patriarchy they lived under. So Mr Inbound Immigrant better turn up with some cash as well as loving Hillary.
Maybe mass immigration could solve this problem.
The conservative men could match up with immigrant women who aren’t particularly invested in American politics.
The surplus Liberal women could simply brainwash prospective immigrant men
It will be interesting to see what the stats are in a generation or two as liberal women won’t reproduce themselves. The few children who make it out of the womb and into adulthood with a functional gender will be too scared to get out of bed, let alone reproduce
It will be interesting to see what the stats are in a generation or two as liberal women won’t reproduce themselves. The few children who make it out of the womb and into adulthood with a functional gender will be too scared to get out of bed, let alone reproduce
A whole generation of non-breeding cool wine aunts doesn’t sound like the end of the world to me.
A whole generation of non-breeding cool wine aunts doesn’t sound like the end of the world to me.
If I were in the market, I would probably be willing to date someone of the other party, but I surely would not marry them—unless they experienced a radical and sincere repentance! In today’s world, a person’s political alliance shows where their heart and mind are. They would (or should) want to be married to someone whose heart and mind are in the same place as theirs.
If I were in the market, I would probably be willing to date someone of the other party, but I surely would not marry them—unless they experienced a radical and sincere repentance! In today’s world, a person’s political alliance shows where their heart and mind are. They would (or should) want to be married to someone whose heart and mind are in the same place as theirs.
What moronic behavior.
Well, I have been telling my son to look overseas anyway.
What moronic behavior.
Well, I have been telling my son to look overseas anyway.
Interesting sociological insight…
Women generally seeking ‘kind’ life partners. Hardly a new theme is it.
Of course the sad fellas who can’t grow up will need some theory as to why it’s not them. Groan, although fact the article drew out 90%+ grumpy male Unherd reader comments had comedic predictability. I guess it’s a safe space for these snowflakes to vent.
Good to see you posting again. How is life in the 1990s?
Good to see you posting again. How is life in the 1990s?
Women generally seeking ‘kind’ life partners. Hardly a new theme is it.
Of course the sad fellas who can’t grow up will need some theory as to why it’s not them. Groan, although fact the article drew out 90%+ grumpy male Unherd reader comments had comedic predictability. I guess it’s a safe space for these snowflakes to vent.