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The forgotten victims of domestic abuse Children are always caught in the crossfire

Dolls are burnt during a domestic violence demo. Credit: CRISTINA QUICLER/AFP/Getty

Dolls are burnt during a domestic violence demo. Credit: CRISTINA QUICLER/AFP/Getty


January 16, 2023   6 mins

Georgia Gabriel-Hooper was just 14 when she saw her mother, Cheryl, being shot dead through the window of her car by her stepfather. This was the culmination of seven years of abuse, threats and control.

Cheryl had always been “the life and soul of the party” before Andrew came along and won her over with his charm and intelligence. But almost as soon as the relationship began, Cheryl changed. “She was always very stressed and on edge,” Georgia says. “Every time they went out, she was always trying hard to put on a front. She was always having to make excuses for his behaviour. By the end, I didn’t really recognise my mum anymore.”

Georgia knew that her stepfather resented her. “I was just a piece of baggage that he had to put up with, but he gaslit and controlled me in just the same way as he did with mum,” she says. “I was boisterous, I was loud and I needed a lot of attention which he didn’t like. Mum was trying to keep me calm and keep him happy, which must have been a nightmare for her.”

Cheryl wanted to leave Hooper, says Georgia, but he had “tied up her finances”, made her “feel worthless” and left her completely dependent on him. But people knew what Hooper was like: “Locally, he was known for being aggressive and violent. He would go out and fight on nights out and get blind drunk.”

Cheryl increased her efforts to get away from Hooper after he started to turn violent. On one occasion he smashed in their television and opened his gun cabinet so that mother and daughter knew how serious he was about not letting them leave. “My mum was shaking so violently, it was horrible,” says Georgia. “She knew it was a threat that he would kill her. I was the one that pushed her to leave in the end.”

Cheryl and Georgia originally left Hooper in December 2017, although they returned for Christmas when Hooper threatened to kill himself. After they left again, Hooper started stalking Cheryl, phoning and texting constantly; he even fitted a tracker to Cheryl’s car. “He was driving around everywhere to find my mum, and told someone, ‘If I can’t have her, nobody will,’ says Georgia.

“I lived in dread for years,” says Georgia. “I knew he was capable of doing us both serious harm.”

Weeks later, Cheryl was dead and Georgia deeply traumatised.

“I had no support from specialist services after it happened,” says Georgia. “Absolutely none. As a family we had a little bit of help from Victim Support but nothing geared towards me as a child.” Yet she had lived for seven years with an abusive stepfather. Inevitably, Georgia “went down a dark path for a very long time”. She admits she turned to smoking and drinking when she was just 14. “I was incredibly lost.”

Domestic violence ruins lives: not just the women who are the victims, but also those poor children who are caught up in the crossfire.

Around 62% of children are present during domestic abuse incidents, and at least one in seven children will have lived with domestic violence by the time they reach 18. A recent report by Action for Children found that support for children affected by domestic abuse was “patchy, piecemeal and precarious”. And yet those children will carry what they have seen with them for the rest of their lives.

The effects can be devastating: girls are more likely to develop an eating disorder, or to harm themselves by taking overdoses or cutting themselves, and boys often learn the behaviour from the male abuser and begin to act out in violent and aggressive ways towards the mother.

Rachel Williams knows only too well the terrible toll it takes on children. In 2011, she was shot by her ex-husband Darren following months of stalking and harassment after she finally plucked up the courage to leave him due to extreme physical and emotional violence.

Tracking Rachel down to the hair salon where she worked, Williams fired two gunshots which hit her leg rather than her stomach as intended. Williams then turned the gun on himself.

Rachel’s son Jack, 16, who had lived with the abuse since he was two, went to stay with his paternal grandparents while his mother recovered in hospital. Rachel was surprised that Jack didn’t visit her, given how close they were, saying “he was like my shadow, wherever I was Jack was”. Instead of a visit, Rachel received angry texts from Jack blaming her for his father’s death. Then, six weeks after Rachel had been shot, Jack killed himself.

“Had Jack been given the support he needed when this happened, rather than just being told he was 16 so could live where he wanted, he would probably be alive today,” says Rachel. “Jack was very popular and outgoing. He had no problems at all with his mental health until the shooting. Jack was a victim of domestic abuse, not just a witness.”

Georgia, who went to live with her loving grandparents following her mother’s death, managed to stop abusing alcohol and turned a corner from a path of self-destruction by turning instead to campaigning to end domestic violence.

During the desperate 18-month wait for Hooper’s case to go to trial (he eventually was convicted of murder and sentenced to 31 years in prison), Georgia began researching people who’d been through similar situations and she found Rachel’s book: The Devil at Home.

Following her experiences, Rachel founded Stand Up to Domestic Abuse (SUTDA), mainly for those forgotten victims of domestic abuse: the children. “I was like a GP on call in those early days,” says Rachel, “and when a message came in on my Facebook page from Georgia, my heart went out to her.”

Rachel invited the then 15-year-old Georgia to attend a conference she was hosting which focused on domestic abuse survivors. It was there that I heard Georgia speak for the first time about the terrible events leading up to her mother’s death. “Looking back now I can see the signs of how his controlling behaviour became worse,” she said. “And because she was trying to leave the relationship he decided she was not going to be allowed to do that.”

The entire audience was profoundly moved by this young woman making sense of how domestic abuse entraps women and their children, and her rally cry for better understanding and provision for those affected.

“My mum was an incredibly strong character, and not someone you would see as a ‘typical victim’ as if there even is one,” says Georgia. “She gave me that little voice in the back of my head telling me, ‘You can’t let your mum down’.” It was important to change the narrative about who becomes a victim of domestic abuse: these women aren’t necessarily weak or complicit.

Women make up the vast majority of domestic abuse victims. Those most likely to be stalked and harassed, and to sustain serious injury are those who have ended (or attempted to end) a violent relationship. Each year, more than 100,000 people in the UK are at imminent risk of being murdered or seriously injured as a result of domestic abuse, with the risk increasing for those women that leave.

In England & Wales, more than 50,000 high-risk victims and 70,000 children are considered to be at “high risk” of serious harm, including homicide, by statutory agencies.

When PC Mike Taggart was 15, his mother Donna was murdered by her violent, alcoholic husband after she told him she wanted a divorce. “She was outgoing, warm and bubbly, but 11 years married to him changed her totally,” says Taggart. “It was constant belittling and misogynistic stuff.”

“He was dominant and aggressive to my sister and to me,” says Taggart. “We would do all we could to avoid him, including staying with friends every weekend. That was when he would get steaming drunk.” But it was impossible to escape the effects of living with domestic violence. “We walked on eggshells and would be dreading his next move.”

Taggart, who joined the police at a very young age, has focused on improving police practice regarding domestic abuse, and was awarded an MBE in 2021 for services to victims. He does his work not just with his mum in mind, but all the women and children in a similar situation. And there are so many.

The effects of not dealing with those children caught up in the crossfire of domestic violence and abuse is catastrophic. Numerous studies show that children who grow up with violence are at serious risk of long-term physical and mental health problems, such as chronic anxiety, addiction, depression, and self-harming.

But, in recent years, campaigners have lobbied to change the narrative from “witness” to “victim” when it comes to such children. Under a new law that came into force last year, children affected by domestic violence will finally be considered victims.

Given the numbers of women who suffer from domestic violence, the number of children growing up in a violent household is catastrophic. These children suffer quietly, desperately. They often do badly at school because the frightening experiences at home make it difficult to concentrate. Many refuse to go to school altogether, because they are too anxious to leave their mother alone with the abuser. Then there are those who simply cannot cope at all. So many children are prevented from leading fulfilling lives by witnessing such brutalisation.

Georgia doesn’t live in dread any more. But she can’t envisage a time when she will give up campaigning. “There is so much left to do. So many mothers have lost their lives, and there are countless children who have been left behind.” She’s positive about the new law. Those children may no longer be so easily forgotten.

 


Julie Bindel is an investigative journalist, author, and feminist campaigner. Her latest book is Feminism for Women: The Real Route to Liberation. She also writes on Substack.

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Steve Murray
Steve Murray
1 year ago

Thanks for this Julie; for bringing the spotlight to bear on the individual human lives (and deaths) behind the statistics. It’s difficult to read it and then to try to envisage how much worse this must have become during lockdowns.

Anyone seeking to control others in such a way, does so not because they’re strong, but because they’re weak; so weak they have to try to demonstrate strength instead of just letting people be. From dictators, to authoritarian doctrines, to the domestic sphere it’s the same story, writ large or small.

The true courage is shown in finding a way to overcome such experiences in young lives. Thanks for showing us that, too.

Last edited 1 year ago by Steve Murray
Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago
Reply to  Steve Murray

Women are not the majority of victims of domestic abuse, let alone the “vast majority” – Partner Abuse State of Knowledge Project (2013). The headline finding:
Men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers than their fathers (William Collins, The Empathy Gap: Male Disadvantages and the Mechanisms of Their Neglect).
Mike Buchanan
JUSTICE FOR MEN & BOYS
http://j4mb.org.uk

Steve Murray
Steve Murray
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike Buchanan

As i stated: Anyone seeking to control others in such a way…

Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago
Reply to  Steve Murray

Thanks Steve, understood. I couldn’t see how to leave a standalone comment.

Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago
Reply to  Steve Murray

Thanks Steve, understood. I couldn’t see how to leave a standalone comment.

Samir Iker
Samir Iker
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike Buchanan

It’s amazing how women are now expected to be as strong as men when it comes to the military (even though actual performance is vastly inferior to men) while at the same time, those some women are to be considered helpless victims when it comes to domestic abuse (even though 1/3rd of DV deaths are men).

“Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers than their fathers”
And the vast majority of abuse is by men invited into the home, and usually defended by the mother.

A recent case in UK: the mother ignored months of physical abuse by her new boyfriend, prevented the father from investigating, lied when the baby was murdered, tried to pin the blame on the father, commited perjury…
And while the boyfriend was given a long jail term (though way less than deserved) the mother walked away with no jail.
Victim, you see, can’t blame her.

Last edited 1 year ago by Samir Iker
Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago
Reply to  Samir Iker

Thanks, but this statement is simply untrue:
“And the vast majority of abuse is by men invited into the home, and usually defended by the mother.”
If you disagree, please link to your evidence. Thanks.

Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago
Reply to  Samir Iker

Thanks, but this statement is simply untrue:
“And the vast majority of abuse is by men invited into the home, and usually defended by the mother.”
If you disagree, please link to your evidence. Thanks.

Steve Murray
Steve Murray
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike Buchanan

As i stated: Anyone seeking to control others in such a way…

Samir Iker
Samir Iker
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike Buchanan

It’s amazing how women are now expected to be as strong as men when it comes to the military (even though actual performance is vastly inferior to men) while at the same time, those some women are to be considered helpless victims when it comes to domestic abuse (even though 1/3rd of DV deaths are men).

“Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers than their fathers”
And the vast majority of abuse is by men invited into the home, and usually defended by the mother.

A recent case in UK: the mother ignored months of physical abuse by her new boyfriend, prevented the father from investigating, lied when the baby was murdered, tried to pin the blame on the father, commited perjury…
And while the boyfriend was given a long jail term (though way less than deserved) the mother walked away with no jail.
Victim, you see, can’t blame her.

Last edited 1 year ago by Samir Iker
Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago
Reply to  Steve Murray

Women are not the majority of victims of domestic abuse, let alone the “vast majority” – Partner Abuse State of Knowledge Project (2013). The headline finding:
Men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
Children are more likely to be abused by their mothers than their fathers (William Collins, The Empathy Gap: Male Disadvantages and the Mechanisms of Their Neglect).
Mike Buchanan
JUSTICE FOR MEN & BOYS
http://j4mb.org.uk

Steve Murray
Steve Murray
1 year ago

Thanks for this Julie; for bringing the spotlight to bear on the individual human lives (and deaths) behind the statistics. It’s difficult to read it and then to try to envisage how much worse this must have become during lockdowns.

Anyone seeking to control others in such a way, does so not because they’re strong, but because they’re weak; so weak they have to try to demonstrate strength instead of just letting people be. From dictators, to authoritarian doctrines, to the domestic sphere it’s the same story, writ large or small.

The true courage is shown in finding a way to overcome such experiences in young lives. Thanks for showing us that, too.

Last edited 1 year ago by Steve Murray
cynthia callahan
cynthia callahan
1 year ago

THANK YOU for bringing this to light. Talk about it loud and clear!

cynthia callahan
cynthia callahan
1 year ago

THANK YOU for bringing this to light. Talk about it loud and clear!

Dougie Undersub
Dougie Undersub
1 year ago

“Around 62% of children are present during domestic abuse incidents … ”
What does this actually mean? Not only is this statement highly ambiguous, it is not mentioned in the source it is linked to, which actually says that 1 in 7 children under 18 have witnessed domestic violence.

Dougie Undersub
Dougie Undersub
1 year ago

“Around 62% of children are present during domestic abuse incidents … ”
What does this actually mean? Not only is this statement highly ambiguous, it is not mentioned in the source it is linked to, which actually says that 1 in 7 children under 18 have witnessed domestic violence.

Allison Barrows
Allison Barrows
1 year ago

Georgia’s mother failed her – first by introducing a strange man into her life, and then knowingly excusing his behavior and exposing her to violence. Was Georgia’s father still in her life? Was her mother ever married to him? I ask because the stepparent has no real attachment to the child and is often the source of abuse to that child. I’ve often wondered why a parent of either sex would risk it.

Jim R
Jim R
1 year ago

Gasp! Are you ‘blaming the victim’? Such nuances are not permitted in these discussions!

Allison Barrows
Allison Barrows
1 year ago
Reply to  Jim R

I knew it was risky, but I really do want to know what these parents are thinking when they bring an adult stranger into their child’s life. I knew a divorcee who remarried three times (!) and was hunting around for another spouse. Her son is a medicated basket case and her daughter moved from the US to Ireland as soon as she turned 18.

Jim R
Jim R
1 year ago

Years ago I received a heart-breaking phone call from my 12 year old daughter. Her mother’s boyfriend of two weeks had stayed over and she refused to leave her bedroom and have breakfast with him. Seeing how upset this made my ex, Prince Charming marched up to my daughters room, barged in against her wishes and lectured her about standing in the way of her mother’s happiness. Absolutely appalling behaviour. Absolutely devastating impact on the poor kid. But of course there was nothing I could do but try to calm her down. The feminist designed legal system had already effectively pushed me out of a parental role in the kids’ lives. There are no statistics for abuses like this of course – no visible bruises and no visit from the police – so as far as the zealots are concerned, they don’t exist.

Ian Stewart
Ian Stewart
1 year ago

“Basket case”? Just kill ‘em off eh?

Allison Barrows
Allison Barrows
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Stewart

What the h*ll are you talking about???

Allison Barrows
Allison Barrows
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Stewart

What the h*ll are you talking about???

Jim R
Jim R
1 year ago

Years ago I received a heart-breaking phone call from my 12 year old daughter. Her mother’s boyfriend of two weeks had stayed over and she refused to leave her bedroom and have breakfast with him. Seeing how upset this made my ex, Prince Charming marched up to my daughters room, barged in against her wishes and lectured her about standing in the way of her mother’s happiness. Absolutely appalling behaviour. Absolutely devastating impact on the poor kid. But of course there was nothing I could do but try to calm her down. The feminist designed legal system had already effectively pushed me out of a parental role in the kids’ lives. There are no statistics for abuses like this of course – no visible bruises and no visit from the police – so as far as the zealots are concerned, they don’t exist.

Ian Stewart
Ian Stewart
1 year ago

“Basket case”? Just kill ‘em off eh?

Samir Iker
Samir Iker
1 year ago
Reply to  Jim R

I have a daughter.
If my wife dies, I bring another woman into my house and she ill-treats or abuses my girl, I am as much to blame as that woman.

Stop making excuses for women and making them perma-victims.

If you have a child with a man who isn’t serious about assuming responsibility, and if you expose your child to a man who is harmful, you are to blame. Period.

Allison Barrows
Allison Barrows
1 year ago
Reply to  Jim R

I knew it was risky, but I really do want to know what these parents are thinking when they bring an adult stranger into their child’s life. I knew a divorcee who remarried three times (!) and was hunting around for another spouse. Her son is a medicated basket case and her daughter moved from the US to Ireland as soon as she turned 18.

Samir Iker
Samir Iker
1 year ago
Reply to  Jim R

I have a daughter.
If my wife dies, I bring another woman into my house and she ill-treats or abuses my girl, I am as much to blame as that woman.

Stop making excuses for women and making them perma-victims.

If you have a child with a man who isn’t serious about assuming responsibility, and if you expose your child to a man who is harmful, you are to blame. Period.

Ian Stewart
Ian Stewart
1 year ago

That’s a bit of a prejudiced generalisation about stepparents, straight from fairy stories. Do you believe women who are plain are witches too?
I became a stepparent to a girl because her dad left the marriage when mother and daughter were seriously ill, and my stepdaughter treats me as her dad now and her kids view me as their grandad.
She asked me as an adult why I didn’t adopt her and get her to call me dad, and I explained it was because I wanted to preserve her relationship with her biological dad.

Stepparents aren’t all evil monsters.

Last edited 1 year ago by Ian Stewart
Emmanuel MARTIN
Emmanuel MARTIN
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Stewart

A non-marginal portion of step parents are. massive divorce rates have consequences.

Last edited 1 year ago by Emmanuel MARTIN
Emmanuel MARTIN
Emmanuel MARTIN
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Stewart

A non-marginal portion of step parents are. massive divorce rates have consequences.

Last edited 1 year ago by Emmanuel MARTIN
Jim R
Jim R
1 year ago

Gasp! Are you ‘blaming the victim’? Such nuances are not permitted in these discussions!

Ian Stewart
Ian Stewart
1 year ago

That’s a bit of a prejudiced generalisation about stepparents, straight from fairy stories. Do you believe women who are plain are witches too?
I became a stepparent to a girl because her dad left the marriage when mother and daughter were seriously ill, and my stepdaughter treats me as her dad now and her kids view me as their grandad.
She asked me as an adult why I didn’t adopt her and get her to call me dad, and I explained it was because I wanted to preserve her relationship with her biological dad.

Stepparents aren’t all evil monsters.

Last edited 1 year ago by Ian Stewart
Allison Barrows
Allison Barrows
1 year ago

Georgia’s mother failed her – first by introducing a strange man into her life, and then knowingly excusing his behavior and exposing her to violence. Was Georgia’s father still in her life? Was her mother ever married to him? I ask because the stepparent has no real attachment to the child and is often the source of abuse to that child. I’ve often wondered why a parent of either sex would risk it.

Charles Hedges
Charles Hedges
1 year ago

If a young man is in a rough town, goes to a rough part, enters a rough pub and remains until after 10pm when plenty of men have had much to drink, if he is attacked, has he displayed poor judgement, especially if he not good at fighting?
During the Lions tour of South Africa, Paddy Maine went to bars in the docks and picked fights with dockers. For the vast majority of men this would have poor judgement but for Paddy Maine he could handle himself in a rough house. Surely being an adult, especially a parent, the most basic aspect of self protection is to avoid violent people, unless one has the fighting skills of Paddy Maine.

Charles Hedges
Charles Hedges
1 year ago

If a young man is in a rough town, goes to a rough part, enters a rough pub and remains until after 10pm when plenty of men have had much to drink, if he is attacked, has he displayed poor judgement, especially if he not good at fighting?
During the Lions tour of South Africa, Paddy Maine went to bars in the docks and picked fights with dockers. For the vast majority of men this would have poor judgement but for Paddy Maine he could handle himself in a rough house. Surely being an adult, especially a parent, the most basic aspect of self protection is to avoid violent people, unless one has the fighting skills of Paddy Maine.

cara williams
cara williams
1 year ago

thank you for another excellent article. am grateful to you.

Andrew Boughton
Andrew Boughton
1 year ago

Absolutely, Julie. A way overdue change for children. One might note that many boys turn to extreme kindness rather than mimicking abusiveness, and that in the M-L feminist narrative women get a free pass while men are made the issue. It would be pointless to cite numerous cases I’ve seen where a kind and protective father has shielded the children from an abusive mother. It doesn’t fit the narrative, yet is hardly uncommon and grossly under-reported. But the strange gap in reality is always justified, somehow. Would it not be better for the outcomes you seek – which we all seek – to hold up to men the best standards of fatherhood, rather than the worst? To emphasise the loving and protective male as natural rather than something to be taught or enforced on Neanderthals? Motherhood. Fatherhood. Natural.

Last edited 1 year ago by Andrew Boughton
Andrew Boughton
Andrew Boughton
1 year ago

Absolutely, Julie. A way overdue change for children. One might note that many boys turn to extreme kindness rather than mimicking abusiveness, and that in the M-L feminist narrative women get a free pass while men are made the issue. It would be pointless to cite numerous cases I’ve seen where a kind and protective father has shielded the children from an abusive mother. It doesn’t fit the narrative, yet is hardly uncommon and grossly under-reported. But the strange gap in reality is always justified, somehow. Would it not be better for the outcomes you seek – which we all seek – to hold up to men the best standards of fatherhood, rather than the worst? To emphasise the loving and protective male as natural rather than something to be taught or enforced on Neanderthals? Motherhood. Fatherhood. Natural.

Last edited 1 year ago by Andrew Boughton
Ian Wray
Ian Wray
1 year ago

How can one make a formal complaint to Unherd? I have had enough of Bindel’s extremely one-sided, negative portrayal of men.

mike otter
mike otter
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

TBH she is writing from a gender perspective and emotionally with a little objectivity added in. Considering the subject i can see why. Men who abuse at whatever level are mis-wired because of what they have been through and IME male weakness comes from this. All men have some of this but its not usually at pathological levels. Women on the other hand aren’t socialised purely to show strength, be it physical, financial or the weird “negative emotional/psychological strength” embodied by clowns like Andrew Tate and Sargon of Akad(?) Sounds like a one man Extreme Heavy Metal band that’s never played live but hey, takes all sorts. So yes controlling behaviour and emotional/psycholigical violence by women is a bad thing BUT it hardly ever ends in violence let alone murder. That, i think is the author’s point. She also adds that these behaviours can be changed – witness the copper and the young lass who started the support group, and such positive change is available to both genders.

Last edited 1 year ago by mike otter
Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago
Reply to  mike otter

“So yes controlling behaviour and emotional/psycholigical violence by women is a bad thing BUT it hardly ever ends in violence let alone murder.”
Nonsense. I refer you back to the headline conclusion of PASK13:
Men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
Also from PASK13:

Among large population samples, 57.9% of intimate-partner violence (IPV) reported was bi-directional, 42.1% unidirectional, 13.8% of the unidirectional violence was male-to-female, 28.3% was female-to-male.

In the 42.1% of (heterosexual) couples in which one partner is always the perpetrator and the other the victim, the woman is TWICE as likely to be the perpetrator and (therefore) half as likely to be the victim.
Women’s behaviour hardly ever ends in violence eh? Hah!

Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago
Reply to  mike otter

“So yes controlling behaviour and emotional/psycholigical violence by women is a bad thing BUT it hardly ever ends in violence let alone murder.”
Nonsense. I refer you back to the headline conclusion of PASK13:
Men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
Also from PASK13:

Among large population samples, 57.9% of intimate-partner violence (IPV) reported was bi-directional, 42.1% unidirectional, 13.8% of the unidirectional violence was male-to-female, 28.3% was female-to-male.

In the 42.1% of (heterosexual) couples in which one partner is always the perpetrator and the other the victim, the woman is TWICE as likely to be the perpetrator and (therefore) half as likely to be the victim.
Women’s behaviour hardly ever ends in violence eh? Hah!

Emmanuel MARTIN
Emmanuel MARTIN
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

Fully agreed. If it was mainly about kids grown into highly dysfunctional homes, she could have tackled the same topic by varying the gender of the abuser. Or noting that much of child abuse comes from stepfathers, and are therefore a consequence of widespread divorce.
But instead, we get regular garbage from a man-hating feminist who came to Unherd as the Guardian now rejects her articles. Bindel hates men universally, including when they pretend to be women. That’s why she’s excommunicated from the left, and that’s why she went to publish her column here.
As Unherd wants to include feminist viewpoints, recent article by Victoria Smith https://staging.unherd.com/2023/01/the-hypocrisy-of-witchlit/ proves that there are some talented feminist writers that do not exhale such bigotry.

Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago

Very well put. Like most MRAs (Men’s Rights Activists) I am bemused by radical feminists’ relentless whining about being ‘cancelled’. Bindel alone has more mainstream media overage in the average month than the world’s anti-feminists collectively over the past half century, despite her endless lying about domestic violence e.g. women being the vast majority of victims. This has known by researchers to be a lie for DECADES, yet the mainstream media will keep paying her (and others like her) to spout their evil lies.

Last edited 1 year ago by Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago

Very well put. Like most MRAs (Men’s Rights Activists) I am bemused by radical feminists’ relentless whining about being ‘cancelled’. Bindel alone has more mainstream media overage in the average month than the world’s anti-feminists collectively over the past half century, despite her endless lying about domestic violence e.g. women being the vast majority of victims. This has known by researchers to be a lie for DECADES, yet the mainstream media will keep paying her (and others like her) to spout their evil lies.

Last edited 1 year ago by Mike Buchanan
Jim R
Jim R
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

Many people shrug this stuff off – domestic violence is pretty awful after all. But children also suffer preventable negative outcomes because they are growing up without fathers. And in vastly higher numbers. Much of the legal apparatus that weaponizes children in divorce and custody battles was created with this very same one-sided view. Women are good (essential to child rearing), men are bad (non-essential and all potential abusers). When a mother complains that the father hasn’t brought the child back to her after scheduled custody, a police manhunt ensues. When a father complains that a mother is blocking his scheduled custody or access, do you know what happens? Nothing. Police and child services stand aside. Call your lawyer and get a court order. Then a year later when you have a court order who enforces it? No one – its a meaningless piece of paper. The system only comprehends one kind of harm – much as this author does – and in the name of preventing it at any cost, inflicts even greater harms on the children.

Derek Smith
Derek Smith
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

I thought she was fairly restrained this time.

cynthia callahan
cynthia callahan
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

If that is all you got out of this, you weren’t listening. This is about Georgia’s experience, one example.
This removes the focus from THE CHILDREN, of domestic abuse regardless of the gender of the abuser. Gender isn’t the issue here. Calling it that further hurts the children. I was that child. I was that spouse. These are my children.

Last edited 1 year ago by cynthia callahan
Ian Wray
Ian Wray
1 year ago

I have never encountered an article by Bindel which discusses or even acknowledges domestic abuse by women. The implicit, if not explicit, message of many such articles is that men are typically the abusers, not women. This is in the context of an overall cultural/political climate which also has that significant bias. Such a cultural/political bias is itself seriously harmful, including to children. For a good quality study of violence in families, read ‘Parent and Partner Violence in Families with Young Children’ by Amy Slep and Susan O’Leary (Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 2005, Vol 73, 3, pp435-444).).

Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

Thanks Ian. I strongly recommend William Collins’s “The Empathy Gap” for its content on DV and so much else, destroying so many feminist myths and narratives. EVERY feminist narrative is one or more of the following – a baseless conspiracy theory (e.g. the ‘patriarchy’), a fantasy, a lie, a delusion or a myth.
A survey by the (feminist) Fawcett Society in 2015 revealed that only 9% of British women and 4% of British women self-idenfify as feminists. Yet these men-hating and often children-hating women wield enormous power in all walks of life. Every major political party has been corrupted by them along with the criminal justice system and so much else.

Last edited 1 year ago by Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

Thanks Ian. I strongly recommend William Collins’s “The Empathy Gap” for its content on DV and so much else, destroying so many feminist myths and narratives. EVERY feminist narrative is one or more of the following – a baseless conspiracy theory (e.g. the ‘patriarchy’), a fantasy, a lie, a delusion or a myth.
A survey by the (feminist) Fawcett Society in 2015 revealed that only 9% of British women and 4% of British women self-idenfify as feminists. Yet these men-hating and often children-hating women wield enormous power in all walks of life. Every major political party has been corrupted by them along with the criminal justice system and so much else.

Last edited 1 year ago by Mike Buchanan
Ian Wray
Ian Wray
1 year ago

I have never encountered an article by Bindel which discusses or even acknowledges domestic abuse by women. The implicit, if not explicit, message of many such articles is that men are typically the abusers, not women. This is in the context of an overall cultural/political climate which also has that significant bias. Such a cultural/political bias is itself seriously harmful, including to children. For a good quality study of violence in families, read ‘Parent and Partner Violence in Families with Young Children’ by Amy Slep and Susan O’Leary (Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 2005, Vol 73, 3, pp435-444).).

Samir Iker
Samir Iker
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

Just be grateful at least on this site she is one of many varied contributors and they allow comments criticising them.

Compared to the Guardian….

mike otter
mike otter
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

TBH she is writing from a gender perspective and emotionally with a little objectivity added in. Considering the subject i can see why. Men who abuse at whatever level are mis-wired because of what they have been through and IME male weakness comes from this. All men have some of this but its not usually at pathological levels. Women on the other hand aren’t socialised purely to show strength, be it physical, financial or the weird “negative emotional/psychological strength” embodied by clowns like Andrew Tate and Sargon of Akad(?) Sounds like a one man Extreme Heavy Metal band that’s never played live but hey, takes all sorts. So yes controlling behaviour and emotional/psycholigical violence by women is a bad thing BUT it hardly ever ends in violence let alone murder. That, i think is the author’s point. She also adds that these behaviours can be changed – witness the copper and the young lass who started the support group, and such positive change is available to both genders.

Last edited 1 year ago by mike otter
Emmanuel MARTIN
Emmanuel MARTIN
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

Fully agreed. If it was mainly about kids grown into highly dysfunctional homes, she could have tackled the same topic by varying the gender of the abuser. Or noting that much of child abuse comes from stepfathers, and are therefore a consequence of widespread divorce.
But instead, we get regular garbage from a man-hating feminist who came to Unherd as the Guardian now rejects her articles. Bindel hates men universally, including when they pretend to be women. That’s why she’s excommunicated from the left, and that’s why she went to publish her column here.
As Unherd wants to include feminist viewpoints, recent article by Victoria Smith https://staging.unherd.com/2023/01/the-hypocrisy-of-witchlit/ proves that there are some talented feminist writers that do not exhale such bigotry.

Jim R
Jim R
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

Many people shrug this stuff off – domestic violence is pretty awful after all. But children also suffer preventable negative outcomes because they are growing up without fathers. And in vastly higher numbers. Much of the legal apparatus that weaponizes children in divorce and custody battles was created with this very same one-sided view. Women are good (essential to child rearing), men are bad (non-essential and all potential abusers). When a mother complains that the father hasn’t brought the child back to her after scheduled custody, a police manhunt ensues. When a father complains that a mother is blocking his scheduled custody or access, do you know what happens? Nothing. Police and child services stand aside. Call your lawyer and get a court order. Then a year later when you have a court order who enforces it? No one – its a meaningless piece of paper. The system only comprehends one kind of harm – much as this author does – and in the name of preventing it at any cost, inflicts even greater harms on the children.

Derek Smith
Derek Smith
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

I thought she was fairly restrained this time.

cynthia callahan
cynthia callahan
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

If that is all you got out of this, you weren’t listening. This is about Georgia’s experience, one example.
This removes the focus from THE CHILDREN, of domestic abuse regardless of the gender of the abuser. Gender isn’t the issue here. Calling it that further hurts the children. I was that child. I was that spouse. These are my children.

Last edited 1 year ago by cynthia callahan
Samir Iker
Samir Iker
1 year ago
Reply to  Ian Wray

Just be grateful at least on this site she is one of many varied contributors and they allow comments criticising them.

Compared to the Guardian….

Ian Wray
Ian Wray
1 year ago

How can one make a formal complaint to Unherd? I have had enough of Bindel’s extremely one-sided, negative portrayal of men.

Jane Walsh
Jane Walsh
1 year ago

Thank you Ms. Bindel. For your illuminating voice on the epidemic of Male Violence.
Biggest problem in the WORLD.
You do continue to offend the ‘not all men!’ crowd,
especially here on unherd.
I despair for our species.

Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago
Reply to  Jane Walsh

“… epidemic of male violence”. What a load of hysterical feminist nonsense (but i repeat myself). No epidemic, DV against women has long been in decline (see William Colins’s “The empathy Gap”). Meanwhile more women are convicted with each passing year as more men have the courage to reveal what’s always gone on.

Jane Walsh
Jane Walsh
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike Buchanan

Yes, Sir.
If only more men would have the (your) courage!
To share their angry delusional unique male viewpoint..

Jane Walsh
Jane Walsh
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike Buchanan

Yes, Sir.
If only more men would have the (your) courage!
To share their angry delusional unique male viewpoint..

Mike Buchanan
Mike Buchanan
1 year ago
Reply to  Jane Walsh

“… epidemic of male violence”. What a load of hysterical feminist nonsense (but i repeat myself). No epidemic, DV against women has long been in decline (see William Colins’s “The empathy Gap”). Meanwhile more women are convicted with each passing year as more men have the courage to reveal what’s always gone on.

Jane Walsh
Jane Walsh
1 year ago

Thank you Ms. Bindel. For your illuminating voice on the epidemic of Male Violence.
Biggest problem in the WORLD.
You do continue to offend the ‘not all men!’ crowd,
especially here on unherd.
I despair for our species.